I recall something that struck me about eight years ago at my workplace. We use to utilize our lunch time to socialize with each other around what we called “the round table” I was the eldest of about 7-8 females, and was usually looked upon as the one to offer advice and wisdom to the younger folks; beautiful, lovely darling Belizean girls, within the age of 19 to 25, many of whom have been broken in various aspects of their lives. They knew I was living for the Lord, and always look to me for “the answers”/“an escape” to vent. One day, one of them told me that she believed that God “ favorites” me. It was then I decided to break the ice to them. One day around the round table the topic of sexual abuse came up. Shyly, everyone shunned the questions and the discussions remained somewhat general. Later, I will share with you the end result of that conversations we shared, but first I want to start this lesson by sharing with you an excerpt from my personal diary.
“ 2006……. My parents tried their best to protected me from the outside world, so that no harm could come my way. Yeah, I was loved, and from a very young age I was aware of my self worth and how highly favored I am. But guess what, with all their efforts to protect me, I still manage to fall victim to those ugly monsters used by the enemy who tries to steal, conquer and destroy; the ones that took away my innocence at the tender age of four/five. It was from that early age that I became aware of the existence such evils. Little did my parents know that their umbrella to such forces were penetrated by what they perceived to be “a family friend”. From an early age I realized that the fairy tale world was a myth…You can only imagine what adversities insisted on being my companion after realizing how vulnerable I was. The ugly darts came with direct target at me…Yes. Very quickly I got hit with a poison dart; knocked down, my innocence ripped open, torn apart. That remained my secret life which I kept hidden for the next 15 years from the world; my cross to bear. I did not know better.
I learnt from that young age to protect myself so the world would not hurt me again. I tried not to hurt anyone. With my innocence stolen from me I was forced to adopt, to build armors, this I did by not holding any grudges, and anger and resentment towards others…a pure spirit by nature, for when there is no enemy within, the enemy outside cannot hurt you. No one knew why Pamela was such a “sweet” little girl. It was my defense mechanism against the world. No one had any idea of the guilt and shame I carried for years. My camouflage. I became the perfect actress, the perfect Eve..she was destined to carry pains.
I managed well for a long time, or so I thought. Until, that day around the round table, when my friend told me that “God Favorites me” I had a “wake-up” call, I had to break the truth. They saw my life as perfect, when indeed it was not. You see, I could not be a traitor to these young ladies who had their lives paved out ahead of them. I shared with them my experience.. Guess what transpired next? Of the seven of us sitting around that round table that day, five have been exposed to sexual abuse. My father often told us, that when we complain of not having a shoe to wear, we must remind ourselves that there is that man out there who don’t have any foot to wear a shoe… Like these young ladies, I too had carried the similar stains like they did. Some of their experiences were more traumatizing than mine. But for me, unlike them at the time, I was already restored. That is when I realized how much afflictions are in the world today; how many people are carrying scars from their past. Scars that have not been healed, broken marriage, broken relationships, broken homes, broken, spirits, broken soul. My question is HOW BROKEN ARE YOU TODAY? There is good news. God can heal your brokenness. I was healed. The open discussions was an eye opener. One of the young ladies * also a victim of sexual abuse) went home that night and came back and reported that she found out that night that her child too was being exposed to the same evil.
“I will restore to you the years that the locust has eaten.” – Joel 2:25
This is one of the most incredible promises found in scripture. Many times because of past sin and indiscretions we promise to make it all up to God, and we promise to make amends. God tells us here that we have it all wrong. He promises us that he will make up for our destroyed years, all those years of being wasted, stripped, broken by the enemy. The Lord tells us that we cannot even repay Him for a single wasted second. He will make up our losses and those of our family.God created us for His eternal purpose. We were birthed in the redemptive blood for a satisfying life, joy unspeakable and full of His glory. But because of the sin we allowed to enter our life, His plan for us was interrupted and we spent many wasted and lost years. You may ask the question. Weren’t you a child when this happened? How then can you claim wasted years or say “Because of your sins”. Well the enemy’s attacks have no exemption of age. This was obviously an attack by the enemy. Not to be confuses with adversities I mentioned in yesterday’s lesson.
How can God restore that which was lost you may ask? In Christ, everything is new – even the calendar. The Lord goes back to the day the locust came, sees the parts of your life that were wasted/taken away from you, removes them and starts you over again, filling your life with His precious blessings. God promises that He will restore all that He intended for you. 2 Corinthians 5:17 Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come. Do not allow the bitter taste of past failures/misfortunes and defeat to leave you with unresolved issues both in your mind and in your life that will weigh you down as time passes if you allow it. Give them over to God. “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” – Jeremiah 29:11
God can restore you. He did so for me at the age of nineteen, and I am confident that he has the same love for you that he has for me. In conclusion, my girlfriend was wrong, God doe not “favorite” me. He shows no partiality. The apostle Peter made this clear. “Of a truth I perceive that God is no respecter of persons: but in every nation he that feareth him, and worketh righteousness, is accepted with him” (Acts 10:34-35. I chose to accept his Grace. That choice resulted in the evidence of blessings that she saw in my life. Anyone can have the same blessings. Do not shun away your Blessings he has in store for you. .He is waiting for you call.
I come to the Garden Alone – meeting God at a Solitary Place – in the Jungle of Belize
I COME TO THE GARDEN ALONE. The songwriter wrote: I come to the garden alone While the dew is still on the roses And the voice I hear falling on my ear The Son of God discloses. And He walks with me and He talks with me, And He tells me I am His own; And the joy we share as we tarry there, None other has ever known. He speaks and the sound of His voice, Is so sweet the birds hush their singing, And the melody that He gave to me Within my heart is ringing.
Today as I went into my garden all alone to pick some berries and some cherries, I was taken back to some precious childhood memories. I grew up with 5 siblings and a cousin on a farm, so there were always fun activities, and noise in our yard. Yes, we were the outdoor kids. At that time in Belize, we did not have a television, or an iPad or iPhone, as a matter of fact, the internet didn’t even exist. Despite all the playing; all the chanting “red rover run over” challenges, all the trading an “Alley” in a ring game of “marbles” , singing the classic songs of ” Miss Lucy had a baby” in skipping matches, the “what time is it Mr Wolf” challenges, the “hide and seek” playtime, and all the other outdoor games that my sisters and brothers played, I was that kid who always preferred solitary play.
Whether solitary play was healthy or not for a child, it was my favorite thing. While the others were playing and making noise, looking all happy and having their fun, I would be alone exploring in my own little adventureous world. Those adventures would normally take me far away from everyone, most of the times to the outer most part of the farm. It was a big twenty acre farm, so if I let off a scream for help, no one would have heard. You can only imagined what happened when I found out about the network of log roads which were connected to my dad’s farm. My imagination and exploration expanded, deeper into unknown territories, taking me to bigger ponds, and unexplored Mayan archaeological sites, covered with canopies in the tropical rain-forest. This was my secret “hiding place” that I kept hidden from the rest of the family, and despite being aware of the potential dangers, I would still find my way into my secret forest, sometimes walking for hours or just hanging out on big logs overhanging in the ponds.
Something magical took place in that forest. The quality of my innocence protected me from all fears. I now look back and realize God was there with me all along. Sometimes in solace we can hear Him. I felt such protection, such peace, such excitement, such amazement of my surroundings, such fearless imagination; it could only have come from God. I was able to appreciate and find amazement in the works of even the tiniest ants. Little puddles became wide bottomless oceans that I could cross without falling in. Our faith must be just the way I viewed my world as a child; trusting with a pure non corrupted heart. It was my rarefied quality of ignorance that kept me feeling safe. In order to experience God’s power we must believe in his unseen presence, just the way some of us believed in the irrational; in fairies, Santa Clause, Tata Duende in the forest, and monsters under the bed, or in the infinite power and goodness of our parents.
Today, as I sat alone in my garden, I reflected back with a smile on my face of those many times I spent alone in the forest as a child. I started conversing with my Lord. . For a short period ( a very short period) I was able to experience a mysterious operation of self in a different dimension, similar to the times in the forest where that part of me entered into my mental universes from which all others were soon to be forever excluded. I could hear the wind, the birds, and the mosquitoes singing in my ear. But still I couldn’t hear them, if you know what I mean. And at that very moment, I was able to hear His voice. Such confirmation, such affirmation, such a peace.
Mark 1:34 “Very early in the morning, while it was still dark, Jesus got up, left the house and went off to a solitary place, where he prayed.” Matthew 14: 22 Immediately Jesus made the disciples get into the boat and go on ahead of him to the other side, while he dismissed the crowd. After he had dismissed them, he went up on a mountainside by himself to pray. Later that night, he was there alone. Psalm 91:1 Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. My solitary plays and adventures and quiet times alone was where I felt safe, where I felt the most peace. Today alone in my garden, while praying, I felt “that rest” in the shadow of the Almighty- I know it was his presence. God knows I needed that.
Looking back now, I recall the dirt roads in the forest were filled with potholes and bumps, little hills, just as life’s journey is filled with distractions, pitfalls and struggles. But that did not stop me from continuing my journeys. It is ironic that as an adult I am terrified by snakes, and frogs and any creepy crawly creatures, but as a child I would venture fearlessly into my little voyages, knowing that I was surrounded by the fer DE lance and coral snakes, lurking jaguars, the legendary Jackie Vasquez, known for stealing kids, and the mystical Tata Duende, the midget man with his feet backwards who lured children into the forest and their parents would never see them again. Unless, we have this childlike type of faith, we will never be able to experience that peace, that assurance, that presence. We will never be able to cross the hurdles, and climb the mountains with our hands wide open. Sometimes we need to come to the garden alone and meet Him at that solitary place; listen to what He is trying to tell us. Perhaps we may never unlearn the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, but we can certainly experience our ancient innocence by listening to the wind, gazing into the midnight skies, hearing the songs of the waves, the melodies of the birds. Such tranquility! such escape! such hope! I say thank You Lord
Hill song United –
In the quiet, in the stillness
I know that You are God
In the secret of Your presence
I know there I am restored
In the chaos, in confusion
I know You’re sovereign still
In the moment of my weakness
You give grace to do you will.
I come to the Garden Alone – meeting God at a Solitary Place – in the Jungle of Belize
Please feel free to share my blog
I COME TO THE GARDEN ALONE. The songwriter wrote: I come to the garden alone While the dew is still on the roses And the voice I hear falling on my ear The Son of God discloses. And He walks with me and He talks with me,And He tells me I am His own;And the joy we share as we tarry there,None other has ever known. He speaks and the sound of His voice, Is so sweet the birds hush their singing, And the melody that He gave to me Within my heart is ringing.
Today as I went into my garden all alone to pick some berries and some cherries, I was taken back to some precious childhood memories. I grew up with 5 siblings and a cousin on a farm, so there were always fun activities, and noise in our yard. Yes, we were the outdoor…
View original post 1,029 more words
The Journey Begins
Thanks for joining me!
Good company in a journey makes the way seem shorter. — Izaak Walton
Pam's Blog 